I haven’t blogged for a long while. Longer than I thought now I’ve opened the tab in my browser and see that it was November 2020 when I last posted…
It’s not that I haven’t been writing. I have been. I’ve been writing a lot. I’ve been working on my debut novel. I’ve been working on a long piece of short fiction; 10 000 words – now submitted. I also wrote 30,000 words of a second novel for Nanowrimo (National Novel Writing Month to the uninitiated.) I’ve written about 20 poems. I’ve written many shopping lists and menu plans because I have a budget to keep to.
I’ve written so very many emails. Emails for work in several iterations of client service and administrative roles. But also, for my own business. I’ve written query letters to literary journals. I’ve written to literary festivals to offer my time as a volunteer. I’ve written exchanges with the publisher who is publishing an essay I wrote. It is a piece I am immensely proud of but it is also one that I am equally terrified about because it is so intensely personal.
I write A LOT. And I love it. I am not one of those writers who hate what they do but feel compelled to do it all the same. Even on the hard days I still love it. My devotion to words almost never wavers.
I am committed to words in a way I have never managed to be in a romantic relationship. I’m not fully sure if this is because of my wordy devotion or if its just that I have yet to meet the right person. Either way, while I wait, I have words. And words bring me so much joy I know I will be okay as long as I am writing.
I guess today is a bit of an accountability post. It is a record of me stating that I want to post more regularly. It also me telling the world that I also want to write in a more real way.
My blog will still be curated. I will still chose to create content for specific contexts and readers. But I also hope it will act as a real record of my creative and intellectual lives. That means the worries and the woes will be there as well as the wonders.
My Worries and Woes today were about feeling fatigued (a much more wearying state than just being tired.) They were about wanting to help other people but not feeling like I had the capacity to do so in the way I wanted. They were about feeling like I had too much to do even when I desperately wanted to slow down . They were me feeling like I had read the simple living texts but not understood them properly.
However, My Wonder today was coffee with a colleague from a previous job where I did more listening than talking. And even when I was talking it felt like it was a more considered conversation than my usual rapid Lorelei Gilmore style rambles.
My Wonder was vegan cake for lunch and not caring about the calories.
My Wonder was walking in the early Autumn sun up my hill towards home and not worrying about trying to catch my breath. I had the faith it would return to me when it was ready.